Hey hey hey

I’ve finally got a move in date! Woohoo! Everything is now booked, paid for and I’m ready to roll. Almost…

I’m still really hesitant. I’m equally excited but I’ve mentioned before about how I want to cocoon my little family and hide them away so I don’t want to leave them.

BUT

I AM SO EXCITED. All I really need to do now is organise a collection/delivery date for my stuff and buy a bed. Oddly enough the bed part is the hardest.

You’d think buying a bed would be simple. It’s not. I’ve never bought a bed. I don’t know what bed I want. Do I want a double? Kingsize? Go all out and get a queen? Do I want a divan? A headboard? A futon? A four poster? Do I want it in grey? Or champagne? Leather? Suede? Wood? Oak? Pine? Mahogany? Iron? Vintage? An Argos £100 special? Or a treat myself £1,200 beauty? A Disney Princess bed? One with drawers? One without drawers?

Then I have the joy of trying to get it delivered on time. I arrive too late in the day to just go and get one and my friend doesn’t have much holiday to spare to take off and wait for a delivery. So I need to find a shop that lets me choose my delivery date.

Why is it so hard? Why am I so picky? Why can’t I make simple decisions? Woe is me right? RIGHT?

In other news I’m due to get Nigel’s bollocks lopped off before my departure. Which will be fun considering we live an hour’s walk away from the vet and no longer have a car…And he’s hardly a Jack Russell so carrying him home is kinda out the question. Unless one of you can easily lift a 31kg dog? If so, will you fly over and carry him home? I might invest in a wheelbarrow. He’ll be sedated and sleepy after his op so I can fill it with pillows, plonk him in and wheel him home. Actually that’s a pretty good idea. Will give me a great workout too as there’s a few hills to go up/down.

I’d like to announce something amazing, slightly scary and massively shocking. You better be sitting down: I haven’t drank any Coke for about 5 days. None.

I kind of went on a bender. I fell off the wagon of 1 glass a day. I couldn’t help myself, I’d had a really stressful week, things were playing on my mind and I needed to blot it out somehow and Coke was my only option. None of you understand how good that can feels in your warm sweaty hands when it’s so cold it’s wet. It feels like God has reached down from Heaven and placed a tin angel in your palms. Then when you open it you get that beautiful cracking sound and the ffssst noise as it opens. It sprays you a little but you don’t care because it’s such a glorious moment. Then you take that first glug and it’s oh so cold and so refreshing. A bit burny because there’s so many bubbles but it’s a pleasurable burn. Then you have a little hiccup because of said bubbles and everything wrong in the world seems right. There is no good or evil, only sweet nothing and you feel at one with the Universe. Life if peaceful. Then you take another sip, and another, and another. Til it’s gone. And the can is empty. And so is your heart. You feel sad. Then the sugar rush kicks in and everything is a bit floaty and bouncy til it wears off and the nothingness returns. So you buy another can just to relive the sweet sweet joy in hearing that ffssst noise once more…

I need serious psychological help.

I basically had about 6 cans in one day and woke up the next day with a migraine so bad it fucked me over for 2 days. So I decided that I probably shouldn’t do that again and swore off Coke for a bit.

It’s a bit awkward now isn’t it? I should probably mention my boobs. My boobs are big.

I quite enjoy blogging now. I used it as my little venting area. It stops me punching people. It’s therapy. You are my therapist.

One thing I could punch people over is when they start questioning me and my job. Mainly WHEN I do my job. And by job I mean camming. Nearly everyone who questions never has a clue about camming and has never cammed. So already when they start questioning I’m pissed off because they jump to conclusions.

“I don’t get why you don’t cam all day and then quit” Ok. First off. What. Secondly. Ha.

As much as I enjoy it it IS draining, sometimes you’ll get someone in who opens up to you and you sit there talking to them for nearly two hours. The conversation isn’t all “ooh I want to cum on your shoulder blades bb” these conversations are real, genuine and deep. Some stick with me for a very long time and completely change my outlook on things. And I don’t mean in a negative way, far from it. But it’s draining. It’s also, for me, physically tiring. My shows obviously centre around my boobs. They’re heavy. And I mean HEAVY. So after an hour’s worth of jiggling and massaging my arms ache. I don’t want to put on a half arsed show for people because my arms are tired. People are paying for a show, they’re getting a fucking show. To me, working all day will affect that. I’ll be tired, pissed off and aching and these guys won’t get what they’re paying for which isn’t fair. And it’s not just me either. I have so much respect for those girls who can wank themselves off for 12hrs a day. I don’t know how they do it. I really don’t.

Then there’s the earning aspect of it. I KNOW what hours work for me. I’ve built up a list of “regulars”. They know roughly when I’ll be on. Just because SquirtingJane can make $400 at midday doesn’t mean I will. And I don’t. My best hours are early mornings, late afternoons and evenings around 8-11pm. So I stick to those times. It works. For ME.

This is another reason why I adore @BritishBrooke so much, she’s the ONLY one who understands where I’m coming from.

ANYWHO.

Ohhh my coffee is cold. Waah.

Oh! You know how I’ve been into films lately? I’ve watched a few more since I last did my mini reviews.

Snow White & the Huntsman: Surprisingly good. DullFace only had a few speaking lines so she didn’t annoy me like she did in Twillight. And I fell in love with Chris Hemsworth. Charlize Theron was so good too, she’s so beautiful I could cry. The dwarves were brilliant too, I’d def watch again.

The Great & Wonderful Oz (I think I made that title up tbh, I can’t remember the actual name): So good! I really loved it, and I HATE The Wizard of Oz. The little china doll is so cute! And anything with James Franco in a top hat gets my thumbs up. Plus Mila Kunis is in it <3

Gangster Squad: Dull. Switched off after 30mins even though the Gosling was in it. Weird.

New Year’s Eve: OH MY GOD. I was after something mind numbing to be honest but it turned out to be a pretty good little film. I cried throughout the last 20mins and I’m now fully in love with Zac Efron.

The Lucky One: I only watched this because it had Zac Efron in it. It was alright. Nothing special.

21 and Over: I watched an abysmal copy. And I mean ABYSMAL. Every 10 mins we had to squint to make out vague facial features but even then it was a pretty good film. Was quite funny but not being able to see every now and then meant you missed a lot of the jokes. I’ll def have to get the DVD.

And with that I’m gone.

Oh PS. Before I go, a little bit of plugging

Instagram: saraurora1

Facebook: OfficialSaraWillis

Twitter: @saraurora

Streamate: BustySara34HH

Bye!

Hello,

I read this article (please read it before reading the rest of this blog) this morning and it annoyed me. Not for the reasons you probably think but because I know what other people’s reactions will be.

I posted it on Twitter to see if I was right, and lo and behold I was. She was labelled a “monster” and people pitied the children.

I for one don’t see how she is a monster. She actually raised her children, without the aid of nannies which a lot of women depend on, and seems to have done a good job. I’ve lost count of the amount of “women” who have left me thinking “You don’t deserve those kids” because their “parenting” skills have left a lot to be desired. Not once did I think she doesn’t deserve her children.

She admits in the article that she felt no maternal bond with her kids but still loves them and that she never wanted children but had them because she didn’t want to deprive her husband of being a father. How does that make her a monster? Just because she has a womb she must automatically want and bond with everything that comes out of it? It’s pathetic and so fucking hypocritical.

So many men say they didn’t want their children and cry that they were “trapped”. They do fuck all for their children, nothing, they don’t even buy a pack of poxy nappies. Yet this woman gave up most of her life to raise her children and be a stay at home mum. And she’s still caring for her daughter too, at the end of the article she says how her daughter developed Multiple Sclerosis and how she has become her full time carer.

I guess people are right. What a terrible person, what an absolute monster. Disgusting.

And those poor kids. My God, how unloved her daughter must feel being cared for by her own mother in the comfort of her own home.

And I can bet that most people calling her a monster didn’t bother to read past the fucking title of the article. Because people see one thing and jump to ridiculous conclusions.

They’re hypocrites too. Because it wasn’t so long ago that I read and shared an article about a “mother” who had a severely Autistic son. From her article she made it quite clear that she resented him just breathing the same air she did, in fact all the article seemed to be was one long tale of woe about how her perfect life was ruined by her son who couldn’t help the fact he had a disability. In the end she gave her son up, she sent him away to a boarding school/care home. On one hand I think it was for the best as maybe now her son will get the care and attention she clearly felt was beneath her to give. But on the other I see it as a cop out.

But the response she got was insane. She was labelled a “perfect mother”, a saint, people felt for her, people “understood”. What the fuck is there to “understand” about a woman who resents her Autistic son because his disability shattered her perfect world?

Why isn’t she being labelled a monster? Oh because she doesn’t utter the words “I WISH I NEVER HAD HIM”? Ok. Makes sense.

So a woman who admits she never wanted children gives up her life to raise and care for her children is labelled a monster yet a woman who moans about how fat she got while trying to “care” for her disabled son is labelled a saint? Awesome. What a fantastic world we live in.

This is the reason I am always so hesitant to say I DON’T THINK I WANT CHILDREN. Because God forbid I get labelled a “monster” for admitting what I’m pretty sure half the female population thinks. You think every single one of your mothers wanted you initially? People grow to accept their situations, grow to love unwanted children. They just don’t have the balls to say it out loud that they were never WANTED. Instead some let it fester, it simmers into something else. They don’t treat their children right, they pass on issues and insecurities, they leave their marks. I can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe if some women were a little bit more honest these children would understand why Mum doesn’t hug them, why Mum doesn’t always say “I love you” and why Mum doesn’t come running when they cry. It certainly doesn’t make them a monster or a bad person.

And why is it that only men are allowed to admit it? That they’re the only ones allowed to say they weren’t ready or that they never wanted kids? Why do people assume that not wanting your child in the first place means that they don’t love that child?

I know for a fact my Mum didn’t WANT either of us, and while she might not realise it she certainly wasn’t ready to be a mother but does that mean she didn’t grow to love us? If you genuinely think that I have no time for you. Sure she might not show it in the same way as other mothers do, sure she only started saying “I love you” about 5 years ago, sure she still doesn’t comfort us, sure she still struggles to hug us, but are people really that moronic to think that all of this means she doesn’t love us or that she should be labelled a monster and people should pity us? Please. She would kill, fight anyone and starve for us. And that far outweighs the lack of cuddles and maternal bonds.

Maybe if people could look past all this bullshit that every woman must want children otherwise there is something wrong with her, they would see that Isabella isn’t a monster in the slightest. She’s more of a mother than most like to think they are.

That’s my two cents (well, it was more like a fiver but I don’t do things by halves)…What’s yours?

Word to your mums/mams/moms,

I haven’t been doing anything to really report to be honest.

I’ve rediscovered my skill for eating family sized bags of crisps in one sitting which is great for everything bar my waistline which seems to be disappearing with every crisp. I’m kind of annoyed but then I kind of don’t care.

I’ve mentioned it before in other blogs about how…confused I am when it comes to weightloss/gain. I’m not normal. And I’m completely normal. And it’s forever a battle.

It’s like there’s two Saras: One is the girl who idolised the big bummed curvy girls in Snoop Dogg videos, and the other is the girl who grew up with people constantly vying to be thin and skinny.

So whenever I lose or gain weight I can never decide whether I’m happy or sad. And it’s annoying.

I feel the same when I try on jeans that won’t fit over my arse – there’s one side of me that jumps for joy that my load is that wide they’re stuck on my thighs while the other side is mentally ticking off the ways to force myself into Anorexia (I’m joking, please don’t send me choco actually I’m being serious. Send chocolate. It’s the only way out).

This has gone off on a weight related tangent.

It wasn’t intended. Now I’m craving Milka, jamon Ruffles, lemon cake and more Milka. Fucking hell.

This is my update on my move home: FUCKITALLTOFUCKINGHELLFUCKOFFANDDIE

I don’t think I’ve mentioned it for a while but I’m doing regular (regular for me, irregular for the world) shows on Streamate now. I’ve started to really enjoy my shows – not that I didn’t before, but I’ve got to know a lot of the guys on there now and they’re all lovely which makes it fun. If you’re ever bored then come and see if I’m online: Streamate

I’m off now to catch up on my shit tv, right now Real Housewives of Atlanta is buffering. I love RHOA, almost as much as the Housewives of Beverly Hills. My faves are Phaedra and Nene. I love Nene now, I used to HATE her. I recommend everyone watches and we use my blogs as a “forum” where we discuss these shittyyetawesome shows. You in? You are?! YAY!

On a serious note I will need EVERY SINGLE ONE of you to watch Scandal. It’s not a reality show before you all skim past this bit, it’s just…Amazing.

I watched American Pie: The Reunion the other night. I enjoyed it, I thought it was better than the wedding one.

I’m gone.

Bye x

Hello

Been a funny few weeks.

I can’t remember my last blog and to be honest I can’t be bothered to go and see what it was about so if I repeat myself ever so sorry. Nobody reads these anyway so I’m sorry to myself. It’s ok Sara, I forgive you.

That sounds a bit mental doesn’t it?

I genuinely think I have lost it a bit over the past few weeks. I’m pretty sure I’ve said I’m moving back to the UK in previous blogs and I’m currently trying to organise said move.

I’ve moved 27 times in my life so you’d think I’d be somewhat of a pro at it. I’ve moved abroad too. I’ve packed my life up twenty seven times. I’ve done it alone. I’ve done it with family. I moved to new towns. I’ve moved to Uni. I’ve moved in with a boy. I made the actual move to Spain alone, I flew out here by myself as my parents were driving over and due to some issues with their hire van (…Long story short but THREE vans all broke down…) they had to postpone their trip by a day. SO you’d think moving back to live with my friend would be a fucking doddle.

APPARENTLY NOT.

I’ve been going a bit mental. I’ve spent days in bed eating my worries. Then I’ll have days like today where I’ll spend my days in the sun…but still eating my worries. I swear to God by the time my moving date comes around I’ll be a fucking heifer. Should probably add a “lol” or “haha” before people think I’m genuinely suicidal. Calm down, I get like this. You should know me by now to know not to take I’m totally rambling now. Back to the point. I think the reason I’m stressing so much is because I don’t actually have a set date. I don’t know when I’m coming or going. I just know where haha.

Having a date would make all this bullshit so much fucking easier. I’d have a point to work towards. Right now I’m just earning for…SOME DAY THAT WILL CONFIRMED SOON. It’s winding me up. Once I know when I’m going I can book a van, pack, book a flight, tell my friend to get the kettle on, the red carpet laid and the chocolate Hobnobs opened and laid out prettily on a plate in preparation for my arrival.

Let’s talk about something super fun and interesting. Hmm. I can’t blog about fun stuff. I don’t see the point. Blogs are for ranting/venting aren’t they? And I’m funnier when I’m angry.

I downloaded my @saraurora Twitter history the other week. It went back to 2010 but I’ve been on Twitter since 2009 (my old name was prinnyaurora in case any of you wondered). It was weird reading it to be honest. And sad. I was SO depressed in 2010 it’s ridiculous, yet I was fucking HILARIOUS. Here’s some titbits:

Oct 29 2010: “After Christmas I plan on getting back in the saddle, relearning how to play drums and starting salsa lessons. FIT!”

None of that happened.

Oct 27 2010: “I need more cheese. My one regret is not putting more cheese chunks in this soup.”

Mmm cheese.

Nov 29 2010: “Carefully positioning the Twitter window so my boss can’t see my background.”

Awesome

Nov 24 2010: “I scraped my hand up after coming VERY close to stacking it down the station steps :’(”

What? I fell over? I almost NEVER fall over…Apparently I’ve tweeted that I’ve fallen over 19 times since 2010. Excellent.

It’s International Women’s Day today. Over the past year or so I’ve become more…women-friendly. Not in the way you’re all thinking but I’m starting to stop being so “anti” women. I think it’s because I’ve started surrounding myself/communicating with WOMEN I respect and appreciate and stopped associating with GIRLS. I know people go “There’s no difference” but to me there’s a big difference between a girl who will sit there slagging you off the second you leave the table and a woman who will come to you and tell you her issue with you without the need for it to become an argument.

I used to be so anti-women, seriously. I’d assume they were all the same: bitchy, two faced, whingey, etc. because I’d been burnt so often by “friends”. Then I realised I CHOSE these girls to be what I called friends. It was my fault for surrounding myself with these fucking morons, so I cut them out of my life. Stopped contacting them, stopped chasing them, stopped making any sort of effort, stopped worrying about their opinions and made new friends.

So, today, I want to give a little shout out to the women who have helped me (some unknowingly) over the past few months/years. I haven’t met all of them but in one way or another, whether it’s just retweeting a link to something that’s hit home with me or buying me 5 bars of Galaxy, they’ve helped me get through some shit.

If you want a decent read/sex tips/want to book some sexy little dates then check out @candiebbee‘s blog http://www.beforesexafterlove.com and her escort agency http://www.cancompanions.com. She doesn’t know it but her words, blogs and Tweets were partly behind me gaining the strength the end an abusive and shitty relationship. It’s crazy to think how someone can have such a huge effect on your life when 1. you’ve never met them and 2. they have NO idea what they’ve done for/to you. She also introduced me to Scandal AKA the best show in the world.

If you want to follow a woman with class AND intelligence AND a sense of humour then follow @christiana1987. I started following her after stumbling across her old blogs, she’s an amazing writer and even though I don’t always agree with what she writes she puts her point across so well that I just want to reach through the screen and give her the biggest high five in the world. She introduced me to Miguel.

You should already be following @britishbrooke anyway but you can check her out (and help fund a fellow Disaronno and Pot Noodle addict) online at http://www.britishbrooke.com. I honestly couldn’t even start telling you how she’s helped me. She’s been there for me through so much, she opened my eyes to what was really going on in so many situations, has taught me the dumbest yet funniest things, invited me into her home and cooked me a mean pasta dish AND has the BEST stories in the world. She’s honestly amazing and I love her. She reintroduced me to LIFE.

I know most of you are already well aware of her but follow @xleannecrowx too. She’s hilarious, lovely and she’s got alright boobs for a flat chested woman. She put me up for a few days in LA as you know and surprised me by how genuine and just fucking NICE she is. Introduced me to Disaronno.

My Mum deserves a little shout out. I Tweet about her a lot, she’s ridiculous. I don’t want to say she’s dumb as that’s mean but to say she’s…intellectually challenged is an understatement. But she’s hilarious with it. I don’t think she will ever live down asking whether dinosaur ended with “a or e?”. Introduced me to…well…the world and you.

I think that’s everyone.

That’s me done for today. I’m going to watch Silent Hill Revelations. Or Resolutions. Something beginning with R.

I am so into watching films lately. Here’s my brief reviews of some I’ve seen:

Lawless: Amazing and wank-worthy.

Lincoln: Amazing, I cried.

Mama: Crap. (Jordan, do NOT even ATTEMPT to argue with me on this. It IS shit)

Sinister: Not scary in the slightest. I’d forgotten Kevin Bacon existed.

House At The End Of The Street: Alright, nothing special. Jennifer Lawrence is fit.

Bridesmaids: Not as funny as everyone made out but worth a watch.

The Notebook: Watchable. I still don’t understand the massive hype. Surprisingly didn’t cry.

Tower Block: Not to be confused with Attack The Block (like I did). Surprised me. Was quite good, would watch again. HELLO KANO AND JAMES O’CONNOR.

End of Watch: Good. I cried.

Technically not a film, but Beyonce’s documentary : OMG. BEST THING EVER. I CRIED. A LOT. TOO MUCH. I THINK I CROSSED THE LINE FROM FAN TO OBSESSED NUTJOB.

Seven Psycopaths: I shouldn’t really include this as I turned it off after 20mins but that should tell you a lot.

Django Unchained: AMAZING. I don’t normally enjoy Jamie Foxx’s acting so I was shocked by how much I enjoyed watching him. Kerry Washington…JesusMary&Joseph…Perfection.

Taken 2: Should never have happened.

Ok I’m going.

Bye x

Hey!

Hope everyone likes the new site! I love it.

I went home for a week recently and had so much fun.

I stayed with the beautiful British Brooke and had such a lovely time. She’s quickly become one of my closest friends!

We went for a spa day courtesy of one of our lovely fans Viggo. It was amazing, I’ve never been to a spa before and I really enjoyed myself. There was a heat and ice experience which felt amazing. Our favourite parts were the menthol scented steam room, the crystal saune, the ice water bucket shower and the ice cave.

We weren’t allowed cameras in the actual spa area but we managed to sneak a few naughty photos in!

As most of you know I struggle with psoriasis and all the chlorine (we went for a quick swim and then chilled in the jacuzzi for a bit) fucked my skin up big time. I’ve never been in so much pain with it! But luckily I’d remembered to pack my cream which helped relieve the pain a little bit.

When we were back at Brooke’s we spent the next couple of days chilling, talking utter bollocks, eating Pot Noodles and chocolate, drinking Disaronno & Coke and watching awful reality tv.

Then I had to leave to go to London I was so sad! But she was a good Mum and made me a packed lunch for the train haha

I was really wary of staying in London. I’m a wimp and get scared easily so was so paranoid about where to stay. I had a super early flight home so needed somewhere near the Gatwick Express. The room was…just a room basically! It was an odd little hotel. I’d recommend it though if like me you just needed a ROOM near the station/Express. It was certainly better than a fucking Holiday Inn…Last time I stayed in one of those in LDN I heard some guy getting attacked outside my door. It was fucking awful and just added to my paranoia tbh.

ANYWAY

I had a brilliant time in LDN. I finally met up with my friend Bui, we’ve been chatting for a few years now but never got the opportunity to actually meet up so was lovely to finally do it! Then I went for a little shop. Which turned into a medium shop. I was good though! I didn’t let it turn into a big shop, which it too easily could have.

This trip back home was so much more enjoyable than my last trip. I had time to relax and remember why I felt homesick. I only had a few of the typical upsets/troubles I get myself into but they didn’t ruin the entire “holiday”. I don’t know if it was premature homesickness or a mix of that, oncoming illness, tiredness or fed up with being stuck on a runway for 4hrs but I cried for most of my flight home and for most of Saturday when I got back! I realised that I DEFINITELY want to move back to the UK. Even if it’s just temporary while I sort other stuff out, I need to be back.

Sooo that’s whats my next plan is – plotting my move back!

Heyheyhey

I’m back home now after my amaaaazing trip to Cali.

I didn’t write any blogs or anything while I was there so now I have to try and remember everything that happened :/ I’m not exactly known for my memory lately so this might be a bit hard. I took LOTS of photos though so even if I can only remember “I went shopping one day and did a shoot the next day” then at least you can enjoy them ha!

Hmm. Where to start, where to start. OMG the actual journey there! HA! What a fucking MESS that was. Jesus. I nearly missed TWO of my flights. I had 3 separate flights as my nearest airport is super small and only has a few flights a day and none direct to the US so my trip had to be broken down which was annoying.

I got to Madrid fine and dandy but after spending an hour and a half poncing about trying to get credit for my phone I realised I was not only in the wrong area of the terminal but in the wrong fucking terminal full stop! I had like less than an hour to make it to the departure gate and had to get a train shuttle thing there. I made it JUST in time as the last few passengers were boarding and the sign said final call. I was SO lucky that I noticed when I did, just 5mins later and I’d have missed it.

I had both seats completely to myself though and had tonnes of leg room (not that I need it with my stumpy legs but still) and was able to stretch out and relax. I stupidly didn’t sleep on the flight when really I should have as it probably would have stopped my jetlag! Anyway the food was surprisingly nice, there was no onflight entertainment which I found a bit odd so I managed to read an entire book on that flight. I felt really proud of myself when I finished it and wanted to stand up and shout “Hey! I finished this entire book before we even landed! Yay!” but they were all Spanish so I didn’t bother.

The flight was actually REALLY empty, I’m assuming it’s because Spain is on it’s arse and nobody can afford to fly to america. But it was odd to see such a huge plane with half the seats empty, seemed almost pointless and a waste.

I landed in New York and was so excited to be there! It was night time and raining so I saw fuck all but still, I was in New York (kind of)!

I needed to check in again and get my boarding pass so once I checked my luggage in I went to queue up. There were SO many people complaining and arguing with the staff about the problems with queueing and missing their flights. One girl was saying she missed her flight as even though she had her booking details they couldn’t find her booked on the flight! And 3 English guys missed their flight because they’d had to queue up to get their passes.

I only had 2 hours to get my pass and to the gate so I was kind of panicking as the queue was huge and there wasn’t many staff at the check in desks. I was there for over 45mins and there was still about 10 people in front of me so I gave up and asked someone for help. Thankfully he was a little angel and took me to the front, got my pass and ran me down to security giving me directions on how toget to my gate. I RAN for my little life to the gate, I literally had like 20mins to get there and it was AGES away. It was so embarrassing, my boobs were jumping around EVERYWHERE while I ran and people were staring and laughing. SO EMBARRASSING. I made it and nearly collapsed on the floor. I was so out of breath, sweating and looked an utter state. Then I looked to my left and saw this absolutely BEAUTIFUL man… -_-

I was SO relieved to finally land at LAX but had aggro trying to get to Leanne (Crow). The taxi guy had no idea where she lived and he had to ring her to get directions haha.

I FINALLY got to hers after travelling for almost 23hrs and wanted to collapse in her lovely boobs and sleep for a week. I didn’t though, I was good! Ha!

I was really nervous about meeting her, Wendy (Fiore) and Leanne’s friend Channelle as I’d never met them before and had no idea what they were like bar what I’d seen online. But they were all so nice and lovely! Leanne and Channelle are just fucking hilarious, they’re so funny. They remind me of my brother and I – just cracking up at the most pointless stuff. I love people like that. And Wendy is beautiful, she’s so nice and open. I love her!

The first night we just stayed up chatting then the next day I went with Wendy for breakfast and then to her photoshoot. You’ll all be very jealous to know that I saw her posing in some very skimpy outfits. BWAHAHA! She’s such an amazing model, she looked fantastic and I’ve seen a few of the finished photos from that day and they look just as amazing.

We went for dinner after but I could only muster two slices of pizza as I suddenly felt really, really ill.

I felt better by the time we’d got back and was able to get in the hottub with the girls for a lil drink. I didn’t bring any bikinis with me so had to borrow Leanne’s which was a bit big haha seriously her boobs are SO round and humungous looking. I think she’s a full cup size bigger than me, I think she’s like 32JJ.

Anyway we had fun in the hottub til the mean guard man made us get out

Then on Tuesday, the next day, Leanne and I shot with PinUpFiles.com and for Leanne’s website. It was so much fun to work with those guys again, I love them! This time round I wasn’t walking around with a despressed cloud over my head nor did I have a big pile of misery following me so I was able to actually relax and enjoy myself. I loved my hair and make up too, I don’t wear hardly any make up and normally I feel REALLY clogged up and heavy on my face when I get my make up done but she was amazing and it felt so light and natural. Anyway I did a few seasonal sets for PinUp and then did a video with baby oil and a glass table. That’s all I’m saying! You’ll LOVE it! Then I did a set with Leanne, you’ve probably seen some photos that I’ve retweeted on Twitter, they look SO good! We did a video too and at one point I was sat on the couch while Leanne was kneeling on it. I was THIS close to getting whacked in the face by her boob!!

After we had finished I got picked up by my webmaster, Matt and drove down to San Diego.

The next day, Wed, we…Erm…OH! I went shopping for some outfits! I got some really nice stuff, including a Xmas outfit and some gorgeous shoes. I may have spent a bit too much so shh. We shot in my hotel room and got some really good sets! I had so much fun shooting with Matt and can’t wait to see all the pics.

On Thursday we went to shoot at a studio. It was a funny little place, from outside it didn’t look much cop and I wasn’t expecting it to be any better inside but it was actually really good! They had some great stuff there and I’m really happy with the stuff we did. I think my fave set is going to be the one in a blue dress OR the beige lingerie set. Argh! I’m so excited, I want to see all of them! We went for lunch at this deli and I had this amaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing pulled pork sandwich. I want one right now. Omg.

Oh god Friday we shot on the beach. I was SO cold even wrapped in this thick fluffy blanket. I don’t like waves, I get really scared by them if they’re quite big and the sea that day was pretty choppy. The tide was in and while I was posing on these rocks the waves were getting bigger and the tide was getting even closer and closer so I felt a teeeeeny bit nervous haha! We went to shoot on these wooden stairs and we got a really nice set on them so I can’t wait to see them! We shot there again on Saturday morning and got some more stuff. I think you guys are going to love all of them!

I had most of Saturday off so after lunch I went in the hottub and chilled for a bit before doing my Christmas shopping. I managed to find some trousers that not only went over my hips but were able to be done up! I was so chuffed! Granted they’re not PROPER trousers (they’re more like jodphurs tbh) but still! They got over my hips and arse! WOO! I bought way too much stuff though as I had a serious struggle repacking my case (I’d stupidly packed BEFORE I went shopping, not a good idea).

I had such hassle on the way home (LAX couldn’t print my boarding passes, my JFK to Madrid flight was delayed by 6hrs and had hassle sorting my connections out, aggro with JFK staff, queues upon queues and being stranded at my home airport for 2hrs) that it was pretttty damn obvious I wasn’t supposed to have left LA. I get the hint, I’m supposed to live there. Which is why I’m looking into a visa seriously…BWAHAHA

I MISS LA GODAMMIT.

Anyway that’s my LA story/diary/blog/mismatch of information/ramblings.

I’ll be posting photos I took along the way soon

X

…Said every prick that can’t be trusted…

I wasn’t going to say anything about it as I was hoping it’d just get swept under the carpet and nobody would notice but I keep being questioned about it so I feel like I have to.

The stuff I shot in France has been released and I’ve had a lot of emails and Tweets about how I’ve “finally gone nude” and done “full frontal”. As far as I was aware at the time the shoots were IMPLIED NUDE. IMPLIED meaning you don’t see ANYTHING. But looking at the photos and hearing everyone’s comments that’s clearly not the fucking case.

I never really wanted to do implied nude but I knew eventually one day it would have to happen. I liked their work and they promised nothing would be shown which is why I agreed to work for them.

During the shoots I wasn’t comfortable – as you can read from my previous blog – and was beyond paranoid that I was showing too much. But the photographer was really nice and kept reassuring me that nothing was on show. He kept asking me to move my hand which I did reluctantly after he told me that he could “see nothing, nothing at all” and that “shadows hide everything. If not I will fix it later”. In the photos he showed me you couldn’t see anything so took his word for it.

I’m really not happy about how much is on show, but there’s nothing I can do about it except let people know it wasn’t my intention to show as much as that. I know I’m also to blame as I should have refused to move my hand. I’m too trusting and get lulled into a false sense of security too easily, it’s something I’m trying to work on.

I don’t want to keep going over the same thing again and again, I just want to bring as little attention to it as possible while getting my side across and forget it happened.

I don’t regret doing it because I don’t see the point in having regrets. I’m not upset anymore either, I had my little cries and am trying to get over it. I know some people will go “errr you can’t see anything so stop moaning” but to ME, in MY eyes, I’m showing more than they assured me I’d be showing and I don’t like it. Simple as that.

I won’t be doing implied again for or with anyone other than myself as I don’t want this to happen again.

Annnd rant over.